I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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