Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize