ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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