i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
