He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
