I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
