At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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