Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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