Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
