Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
50% drunk capacity currently
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
