it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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