I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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