you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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