Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!