I'm going to jail i love you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did