If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.