so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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