now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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