I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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