Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
