you would pick up someone in the library
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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