Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize