What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Randomize
