In the future we'll all be gay
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
