I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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