I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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