Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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