yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
