That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
