Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
