Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
