So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
birth control should be required to get into college
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
