I never want to see another naked old woman again.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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