apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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