dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
