I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize