Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
