You just made me feel so damn special
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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