Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
Randomize