Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
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I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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