So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
