Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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