i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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