My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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