my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
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