My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
