I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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