Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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