mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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