You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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