I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
