I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
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best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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